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Ya'll Democrats are Fixin' to Get Your Butts Whupped Down Here

November 15, 2003

I's sittin' here ponderin' what all this Dean and Kerry and liberal talk about pickup trucks and flags is about seein' how they might be talkin' 'bout me and my kinfolk and my neighbors. (Heck, I wonder if Dean or Kerry ever driven a pickup over 10 years old. It takes about that amount of time just to break 'em in.)

Us Tennesseans always get a kick out the Democrats makin' such a high falutin' point about their wantin' to take keer of everybody. We seem to be capable of takin' care of our own down here, thank you very much. Don't need some damn federales tellin' us how to live.

Yeah, we got guns down 'ere. And you ought to be glad we do. (Junior's out back trying to pop some squirrels right now with his lo-load .22. Now before you animal rights folks get all riled up and jump in your Lexus's and drive south and start protesting, you need to remember one thing: country squirrels know what an 8-year-old boy with a .22 in his hands looks like. Heck, I think they take great fun in dodgin' around and aggravating Junior.) Most of you liberals don't think guns are bad when our boys have to go overseas and fight and die takin' care of the bad guys. Remember that most of them soldiers were 8 yr old Juniors just about 10 years ago. So it might behoove you just to let 'em practice on squirrels and such. Those boys are the ones out saving your butts right now.

Another point about 8-year-old-juniors-turned-soldiers I want to make to Mr. Kerry that he seems to have forgotten: when they come in caskets I can assure you they's got the American flag on them, whether their skin is black, white, brown, or red.

One thing you Clinton wannabe's need to understand is that what Senator Zell says about ya is just the tip of the ol' iceberg about how most of us feel about ya. You's always tryin' to paint us as a bunch of white boy segregationists when in fact we done more for your idea of diversity than you ever have. We have learnt to live and let live. Legal immigrants are as welcomed as anybody in our part of the country, unlike Kerry's ancestors treated the Irish and Eyetalians , over a hunnerd years ago. (See we can go back over a hunnerd years and slap your ancestors too!)

We supportin' the GOP because they don't like the federales messin' with people neither. They the ones puttin' up these smart, highly respectable hispanics, blacks, and women for judges, most, we note, have good southern backgrounds. You Democrats are the ones slappin' 'em down.

You bunch of Democrats don't appear to read the papers or even visit much down here (that latter one, don't bother us attall). It is clear you don't know much about us. All of us wear shoes (except on those hot August days when barefootin' in grass feels real good!); I haven't seen a dirt county road in years; the World Series trophy is down here; we go to ice hockey games sometimes; our Tennessee interstates are voted the best in the nation by the truckers; you can drive less than two hours and find a military base; the world's greatest musician - Earl Scruggs - lives here; our litmus test for politicians is whether they believe in getting' government off our backs or not, not whether they are black, white, red, or brown; we manufacturer as many vehicles as the rest of the country; …

I'm a guessin' I could go on and on. But not much use in it. As that good man, Senator Zell, said about how you Democrat liberals think of us when you view the South, we say back at ya'. Come November next, we will just open one big ol' can of stomp a** and pour it all over ya', no matter who of you is runnin'.

Sam T. Harper graduated cum laude from Vanderbilt University.  Following a tour in the US Navy and a stint as Operations Manager at Roadway Express, he earned his MBA from Stanford University Graduate School of Business.  He was a contributor to “In Search of Excellence,” the best selling business book of all time.  Sam was also Manager, Economic Planning & Analysis at Sohio Petroleum, Partner and Chief Financial Officer at investment-banking firm Bridgemere Capital, and Chief Operating Officer of the Institute for Contemporary Studies, a San Francisco Bay Area-based think tank and international publishing firm that specializes in self-governing and entrepreneurial public policy.  Sam was a chairman of the San Francisco Republican party and the GOP co-host of California Political Review on KALW-FM in San Francisco.  Sam is currently the co-owner of the Tennessee based Institute for Local Effectiveness Training, LLC – a management consulting, training, and coaching firm.